Teens are truly interesting creatures. I often hear from parents asking me if their own child's recent unusual behavior is "normal". I guess, since this is my twenty-first year of working with high schoolers, they think I can identify "normal behavior" amongst the 13-18 year olds. Trying to find "normal teens" is a bit like trying to find a cute mosquito. It's a daunting task. It doesn't help that teens do not want to be normal, whatever that means. They mostly want to be unique...just like all of their friends. They are non-conformists that conform to non-conformity....all together. Teens are an enigma encased in a Hot Pocket multiplied by Pi. Oh, and they're fun.
Over the last few months, I have read several articles by education "experts" about how different today's teens are compared to "teens of the past". Depending on the age of the author, this was either an incredibly positive change in which we would all benefit exponentially, or the end of civilization as we know it. I have to agree as a teen of the past: today's teens are very different. They've never waited more than thirty seconds for anything, they've always had 500+ channels to choose from 24 hours a day, they've always had the Internet, and so on. Of course they are different. They should be different.
But, they're also, very much, the same. They still struggle with all of the "teen issues": body image, confidence, identity, fear, impulse control, communication, relationships, stress, etc. They are still narcissistic and have trouble seeing five minutes in the future much less knowing what they want to "be" or "do". They still reject all advice from the adults in their lives and seek it instead from outside sources, like "wise" celebrities. They especially hate to receive unsolicited advice from adults; particularly when the advice begins with the statement, "When I was your age..." Admit it: you were the same way. See, they aren't that different, after all.
As I've grown older, I've often wished I could go back and inform my "normal" teenage self of some things she really needed to know. After working with high schoolers for as long as I have, I've got a list of things I'd like to tell the teenage me. I bet we all have a list. And, of course, my almost teenage daughter is the last one who would find value in any of my advice.
So, here's my list of twelve things I'd tell the teenage me. What would you add to the list?
Dear Teenage Me,
1. Wear sunscreen!
--Stop sunbathing in the back yard with a mix of Hawaiian Tropic extra deep tanning oil and baby oil. All those sunburns were not just painful, but really harmful to your skin. I know you believe that tan skin is beautiful skin, but tan skin becomes wrinkled, freckled, old skin (especially on your face). Just accept your pale(ish) healthy skin and do something productive with that time wasted "laying out". You should also stop trying to naturally highlight your hair in the sun with lemon juice. Your hair is already dry and lemon juice is acidic (pay attention in science!).
2. Embrace your curly hair!
--Just let it curl. It's going to anyway, even after you spend two hours blowdrying it out and sleeping on fat curlers. I know it's super frizzy, but the future holds great advancements in hair products. Sleep an extra hour and let that natural curl fly! Talk your sister into this, also. This is a shared battle. (Side note: Do not let your Great-Aunt Mildred cut your hair. Repeat, Do Not! Run away! Fast!)
3. Tame the eyebrows!
--Just because Brooke Shields could pull off the bushy brow look does not mean you should have tried it. Tweezers! Get some now. I'm sure Seventeen magazine probably has a "how-to" demo page.
--Not even close. You think you are because almost all of your closest friends range between a size 2 and a negative 5. And just so you know, at 40 something and after several pregnancies they are still all a size 0 (like that should even be a size!). It's called heredity and, no, it's not fair. You, however, come from strong German stock. You would survive a lot longer than these waifs in a severe food shortage or a trip to Antarctica. Stop feeling like the most unattractive person in the room. It's a big room. Everyone isn't actually looking at you, judging you, or comparing you to your six foot tall, tanned, goddess sister. And, YOU ARE NOT FAT!
--You'll be traumatized, severely, when you look back at photographs of yourself in tight-rolled acid-washed jeans, pleated overalls, high waisted shorts, or parachute pants. No, wearing 20 pounds of pins on your denim jacket will not become a classic style. JAMS (you remember those patterned shorts, don't you) are not flattering on anyone (even your size 0 friends). Those earrings that stretched your earlobes down to your shoulders because they were made of lead...BAD IDEA! Just try to keep it simple. Wear what you like instead of what you are told to like. You spend a lot of time stressing over what you wear because you know it actually looks bad, but it's "in style". Your mother is right: cheaply made clothing does not wear well.
6. Talk to your grandparents more!
--I know you want to spend all of your spare time with your friends, but make time for your grandparents. I cannot tell you how many times you will want to talk to them after they're gone. Ask them about their lives. Have real conversations. Learn to cook some of their signature dishes, because they will never taste right again when your grandparents are gone. When it's too late, you'll think of a hundred questions you wish you could ask them. Ask them. Write down their answers. Stop obsessing over personal dramas, pimples, bad hair days, and grades. Sit down with your grandparents more.
7. Run!
--I know you hate it. I know you've been punished with it a million times by coaches. But, start running. You will be so glad you did it early. It's much harder to start at 40. Run to clear your head, to keep you trim, to achieve something. It's cheap to do and you can do it almost anywhere. No excuses. Lace up and get running. You will feel great.
8. Stop being so afraid all of the time!
--I don't mean you need to learn to enjoy the horrible 80s slasher films that you truly despise. Just stop being afraid of what might happen. You will handle it. You are tougher than you think. Some fear is healthy, but you let it drive you sometimes. You will be embarrassed at times and survive it. You mostly know when something is not the right thing to do, but you will make mistakes. Trust yourself and take a few risks. You. Will. Be. Okay.
9. You will be sorry you stopped taking piano lessons!
--Your mother is right: you will regret giving up piano lessons. They are tedious and the recitals are horrible, but you should stick with it. Keep playing the piano on your own if you have to give up the lesson slot so you can make it to basketball practice. You will be envious of people who play musical instruments for the rest of your life. You'll also be sorry that you sold your piano to help pay for your wedding. Sad. Keep playing the piano. Find a way.
10. The right boy will come along!
--Your heart will be broken a few times before you meet him. Those heartaches will be terrible, but you will be able to look back someday and see all the reasons things happened the way they did. Relationships will not mimic the plots of the Danielle Steele novels you will read throughout college. They aren't supposed to. Have faith. "The One" does show up, right on cue.
11. Mom and Dad are working a lot harder to raise you than you realize!
--You have wonderful parents who always put you and your sister first. They sacrifice a lot...a lot. Someday you will realize how unbelievably hard it is to be a parent. You will also realize how much your parents love you. Thank them. Be nice to them. Cut the attitude. Stop trying to be "the center of the universe". Learn from them. Listen to them. Spend time with them. They actually will move to Florida when they retire. I know you thought they were just "saying that". Nope, they move twelve hours away. You will miss them. Don't continue to take them for granted.
12. Keep reading and keep writing!
--You are not a nerd because you love to read. And, even if you are, just wait until you see the rise of the nerds in your lifetime. Read and tell people about what you are reading. Convince them to read, too.
--You stop writing when you get out of college. Don't. Keep writing. You need it.
Love,
Middle Aged Me
